she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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