Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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