I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you had me at cake vodka
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
