Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
