no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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