Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
