True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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