hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
