That's intense
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
