I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
