i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
