Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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