i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
