If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
