My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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