There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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