My underwear smells like fireworks.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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