only you would photoshop your dick
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
