Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
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