Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
