Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
