She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
this just has baby written all over it
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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