Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
