like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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