What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
