There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
