We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
