My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
