He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
