Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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