apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
