and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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