i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My cat gives me a boner
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
