I'm eating all of the evidence.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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