I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
