just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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