Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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