This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
