She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
