Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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