i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Boobs are out for the taking
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
