my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Someone signed my nipple.
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