Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
