its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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