Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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