ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
worst night to have a conscience
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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