So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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