"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
