my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
