this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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