I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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