He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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