Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
