just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
