i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
