Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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