I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
