I'm really into asian looking animals
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
