watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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